Recently I've found myself drawn in by two potential employment opportunities. Stand up comedian, or potentially working for a company that produces dragon dildos based on Arizona. I feel like this blog was the beginning of what is likely a long road of comedic successes and failures, and if I'm as adamant about being a comedian as I am about this blog, then I might as well quit while I'm ahead. Everyone is telling me that I haven't updated this blog and that I don't care about my blog or it's subscribers but that's a lie. I just lead a really boring life and haven't had anything happen that I'd like publicly broadcasted over the internet recently. I guess this is just a quick little update telling you that I'm not dead, and that I have even more plans that I'll never follow through with for the blog. I've been writing up some sweet jokes and am hopefully going to do an open mic at some nameless comedy club for no money and probably get booed off the stage, but I'm going to try god dammit.
Anyways if I can drag someone along with a video camera I'll put up a video of that. Before I do that however I may very well just put all my jokes online for your guys entertainment, as well as for someone to steal my intellectual property and proceed to steal all of my fame and wealth.
Anyways so now you guys know all about what's going on for me, and how the last two months have been spent trying to find a job, and finally settling in with applying to produce dragon dildos, or make people laugh, or both.
Wish me luck guys!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Some cool stuff going on I guess
So the last post here by Adam about the BF3 beta was all lies. Or maybe the truth, when he said 'slicker than snot' he must have been referring to when your snot dries up, becomes encrusted on the inside of your nose and becomes an arduous and painful process of removal. That particular beta is a piece of shit and you shouldn't play it, the reason being not the infinite bugs, which are difficult if not impossible to play through, but in fact the people at EA. The adaptation of their new Origin program as the only program in which BF3 will be purchasable, unless you go out and buy a hard copy, and even if you do you still have to have Origin in order to play the game, coupled with the new battle log system are more then enough to make me not want to play BF3 when it goes live, mostly because Origin is a piece of shit, and the battle log is also.. A piece of shit. They took what could have been a great game and rushed out a shitty COD clone with really un-intuitive UI and sub-par game-play and put it on their awful Origin service and forced battle log down our throats, so you might as well cancel your dreams for BF3, and just masturbate to Skyrim trailers till November.
In other news, now that I've ruined Adam's credibility, me and some other friends have started 'streaming' starcraft 2 games. We started out with a best of three in which Connor beat me 2-1, so props to him, and continued with more coverage of our totally pro, MLG level skills in a bronze league 1v1 in which me and Alex spammed out roaches and stalkers the entire time until the other guys were dead. You should check it out! It's all on twitch.tv/alexholliz where you can see me and connor and alex and maybe even adam all make fools of ourselves! Check that shit out!
Maybe later we might also stream some league of legends if Alex would be so kind as to let us borrow his stream for such things, and you can see me and some other people who are waaaay better than me at that game try and 'pwn sum n00bs' or something else to that effect.
Lastly, for Halloween I decided that I was going to go to the local shin-dig, like so many others in the past, dressed like Minecraft Steve. I'll be sure to post to this blog here how that build went, maybe even a tutorial if you can believe it. Stay tuned for more input, and get ready for some really REALLY mediocre and rushed blog content that I've written up at 2:33 AM after having some guilty feelings about leaving this place alone and abandoned so much.
In other news, now that I've ruined Adam's credibility, me and some other friends have started 'streaming' starcraft 2 games. We started out with a best of three in which Connor beat me 2-1, so props to him, and continued with more coverage of our totally pro, MLG level skills in a bronze league 1v1 in which me and Alex spammed out roaches and stalkers the entire time until the other guys were dead. You should check it out! It's all on twitch.tv/alexholliz where you can see me and connor and alex and maybe even adam all make fools of ourselves! Check that shit out!
Maybe later we might also stream some league of legends if Alex would be so kind as to let us borrow his stream for such things, and you can see me and some other people who are waaaay better than me at that game try and 'pwn sum n00bs' or something else to that effect.
Lastly, for Halloween I decided that I was going to go to the local shin-dig, like so many others in the past, dressed like Minecraft Steve. I'll be sure to post to this blog here how that build went, maybe even a tutorial if you can believe it. Stay tuned for more input, and get ready for some really REALLY mediocre and rushed blog content that I've written up at 2:33 AM after having some guilty feelings about leaving this place alone and abandoned so much.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Minor Houskeeping
Just an update:
THE BATTLEFIELD 3 BETA IS SLICKER THAN SNOT.
Some details:
-Operation Metro, set in Paris. RUSH, 16v16.
-4 pairs of MCOM stations. 2 outside, 2 in subway tunnels.
-Classes are switched up from BC2, I stick with engineer.
ALSO, BUGS, BUGS EVERYWHERE.
I will probably add to this list, and anyone else involved in the beta can post their bugs in the comments. That being said:
-You can only open the [ESC] menu during gameplay. Not during the spawn screen, or at a round end. ONLY while deployed.Same for load-outs and such.
-Minor graphical glitches, but this is expected.
-Key bindings. Will NOT play nice with MB 3,4,5, and very picky about keyboard keys.
-Chat. Press [J],[K], or [L]. But you don't know if its All, Team or Squad chat because its not labeled. The chat history box is damn near impossible to read on 1920*1080
-Team killers. Team killers everywhere.
-BattleLog. I HATE needing my browser open to play a game. This alone is almost a deal breaker. I have 13 pinned tabs (mostly for school), and they have to stay open because of BattleLog. While BattleLog is pretty slick, I would rather see it in-game, as opposed to a web-only service.
-NO COLORBLIND MODE. Its rather difficult to see markers now (they got smaller, too).
Don't let this list discourage you. There are also some welcoming changes as well:
-MY FAVORITE: M16 style guns no longer use the charging handle, AT ALL <333
Mag partially empty; insert new one. Mag size +1.
Empty; Insert new mag, drop the bolt via the bolt release. (99% sure its just mag size, no extra round)
-UI is intuitive, easier to glance at.
-A HEALTH BAR
-beautiful graphics. Time to whore my machine! Core 2 quad @ 2.95Ghz, 4 GB DDR3 1333, GTX 460 1GB OC. I have it set to preset "High" and I don't drop a frame too often at 1920*1080 fullscreen.
-PRONE POSITION
-Kill Assist points: If you wound an enemy that is soon killed, your assist value is based off your damage, meaning if you deal 75 points of damage, get a 75 point assist. Do 10 points of damage, get a 10 point assist.
-EVERY SQUAD SPAWN FROM YOU EARNS YOU 10 PTS
-Guns appropriate to your team. If you are on the RU, you get AK's, and other shitty guns. US gets the M16, M416, M9, M249, M9001, and others.
-Jumping over obstacles, you see your legs!
-When you are revived: [SPACE] Accepts the revive -OR- Hold [E] to respawn anyway. Big Deal!
-A lot of other things I forgot.
So all is not lost. I will submit bug reports to DICE and EA to see what they can and cant fix. Other than that, enjoy they game for what its worth. And remember:
PTFO!
(Play The Fucking Objective)
THE BATTLEFIELD 3 BETA IS SLICKER THAN SNOT.
Some details:
-Operation Metro, set in Paris. RUSH, 16v16.
-4 pairs of MCOM stations. 2 outside, 2 in subway tunnels.
-Classes are switched up from BC2, I stick with engineer.
ALSO, BUGS, BUGS EVERYWHERE.
I will probably add to this list, and anyone else involved in the beta can post their bugs in the comments. That being said:
-You can only open the [ESC] menu during gameplay. Not during the spawn screen, or at a round end. ONLY while deployed.Same for load-outs and such.
-Minor graphical glitches, but this is expected.
-Key bindings. Will NOT play nice with MB 3,4,5, and very picky about keyboard keys.
-Chat. Press [J],[K], or [L]. But you don't know if its All, Team or Squad chat because its not labeled. The chat history box is damn near impossible to read on 1920*1080
-Team killers. Team killers everywhere.
-BattleLog. I HATE needing my browser open to play a game. This alone is almost a deal breaker. I have 13 pinned tabs (mostly for school), and they have to stay open because of BattleLog. While BattleLog is pretty slick, I would rather see it in-game, as opposed to a web-only service.
-NO COLORBLIND MODE. Its rather difficult to see markers now (they got smaller, too).
Don't let this list discourage you. There are also some welcoming changes as well:
-MY FAVORITE: M16 style guns no longer use the charging handle, AT ALL <333
Mag partially empty; insert new one. Mag size +1.
Empty; Insert new mag, drop the bolt via the bolt release. (99% sure its just mag size, no extra round)
-UI is intuitive, easier to glance at.
-A HEALTH BAR
-beautiful graphics. Time to whore my machine! Core 2 quad @ 2.95Ghz, 4 GB DDR3 1333, GTX 460 1GB OC. I have it set to preset "High" and I don't drop a frame too often at 1920*1080 fullscreen.
-PRONE POSITION
-Kill Assist points: If you wound an enemy that is soon killed, your assist value is based off your damage, meaning if you deal 75 points of damage, get a 75 point assist. Do 10 points of damage, get a 10 point assist.
-EVERY SQUAD SPAWN FROM YOU EARNS YOU 10 PTS
-Guns appropriate to your team. If you are on the RU, you get AK's, and other shitty guns. US gets the M16, M416, M9, M249, M9001, and others.
-Jumping over obstacles, you see your legs!
-When you are revived: [SPACE] Accepts the revive -OR- Hold [E] to respawn anyway. Big Deal!
-A lot of other things I forgot.
So all is not lost. I will submit bug reports to DICE and EA to see what they can and cant fix. Other than that, enjoy they game for what its worth. And remember:
PTFO!
(Play The Fucking Objective)
Friday, September 23, 2011
More Silliness!
On a slightly different note from the last post, and actually following the style of this blog, I will be portray my current feelings at this moment about the interwebs, technology, antics, and life. Which means none other than the BATTLEFIELD 3 BETA!
That's right, the open beta is September 29th, and is going to be off the hook! If you have recently spoken with either Riley or myself, you would know we are both incredibly attractive and excited about this release. Whenever my other half isn't participating in SC2 tournaments, we play up the Bad Company 2. After a slight amount of skepticism (And gifting a copy to Connor), I decided to give it a try. BC2 doesn't leave a whole lot of room for improvement in terms of the fps experience, but BF3 shaping up to be one badass game, and EA and Dice are raising the bar once again.
If you haven't seen or heard anything about BF3, there's only a few things you need to know about:
-Frostbite 2.0, one of the most powerful gaming engines available. It offers life-like graphics and incredible physics.
-64 player PC multiplayer (big deal).
-64 player PC multiplayer (big deal).
-Fuckin' jets. JETS.
-General CoD ass kicking bad-assery.
See for yourself:
So now you understand why the beta next week is going to be fun. I pre-ordered the game on JUNE 9TH. This feeling is like peeking at Christmas presents. Except your present is a load of guns. And jets. Did I mention the jets?
Pic related, MFW BF3 was available to pre-order (and how you should be now)
Monday, September 19, 2011
Swag?
A lot of times I'll be out, wandering the street when one of two things will happen. Some random super-model will suddenly drag me into the nearest dark place and offer me sex, combined with a wheel-barrow full of money, or I'll be stopped by some awful vagrant that'll ask me if ever the time will come for blog swag! I like to think we're a pretty decent sized blog with our whopping eight whole subscribers, and I know I like to do the whole self deprecating act of always complaining about the low quality of my blog, but I want to assure all of you, that this blog will never, EVER have any sort of product for sale on it, and will never, EVER be milked of your hard earned dollars with programs as devious as advertising, the selling of products, or streaming live, uncensored hardcore horse pornography.
Now that all of that is out of the way, my imagination has run wild and when I created the beagle, I was requested a shirt of some sort with it, so I went to the professionals over at http://www.shirtmockup.com, and made a masterpiece of clothing that I would be more then happy to stroll about town wearing, perhaps accompanied by a top-hat, monocle, a small glass of brandy and a cigar.. For that one guy who wanted a shirt, I did all of this, because I care. I care about each and every one of you crazy little goofballs..
Look at that god-damn piece of art I tell you! Art! It rivals the Sistine Chapel, and Michelangelo, Sandro Botticelli, Pietro Perugino, and Pinturicchio (All names I did not just rip off of wikipedia) can suck it, because I am officially better then they are, and easily ten times cooler then Adam, who's dog, I must remind you all of, is dead.
Now that all of that is out of the way, my imagination has run wild and when I created the beagle, I was requested a shirt of some sort with it, so I went to the professionals over at http://www.shirtmockup.com, and made a masterpiece of clothing that I would be more then happy to stroll about town wearing, perhaps accompanied by a top-hat, monocle, a small glass of brandy and a cigar.. For that one guy who wanted a shirt, I did all of this, because I care. I care about each and every one of you crazy little goofballs..
Look at that god-damn piece of art I tell you! Art! It rivals the Sistine Chapel, and Michelangelo, Sandro Botticelli, Pietro Perugino, and Pinturicchio (All names I did not just rip off of wikipedia) can suck it, because I am officially better then they are, and easily ten times cooler then Adam, who's dog, I must remind you all of, is dead.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Our downs syndrome child
So I came on here just to quickly apologize for Adam's last post.. It's not so much that it was a piece of shit, but more-so that it just made no sense and appears to be the product of a super hyper-active autistic child. I like to think that this blog has at least some semblance of respectability, regardless of the fact that most of the humor is absolutely ridiculous but we hold ourselves to a higher standard then Adam did I guess. Hopefully he'll learn from his mistakes and NEVER POST ANYTHING LIKE THIS AGAIN. If he does, expect to never see another post from him.. Ever again.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Additional Content
ALRIGHT YOU MISERABLE EXCUSES FOR MOTHERLESS SHIT-BRAINS, THIS IS A BLOG POST, WHERE WE BITCH AND COMPLAIN LIKE WOMEN, AND DONT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT FEELINGS, RELIGION, OR RILEY. THAT BEING SAID, THIS WALL OF TEXT IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY DUREX, BECAUSE FUCKING VAGINAS.
DOING MANLY SHIT, I FIXED THE FUCK OUT OF MY TRUCK. SPARK PLUGS AND ALL THAT SHIT. WIRES AND BOOTYS. FUCKING BOOTYS. DISTRIBUTOR CAP AND ROTOR DICK KISSING REPLACEMENT. AND TODAY THAT HORRIBLE SQUEAK FROM THE ALTERNATOR WAS DESTROYED LIKE THE VIETCONG. AFTER ALL THAT, THERE WAS STILL A little SQUEAK SO I SAID "LISTEN UP ALL YOU CUM SWAPPING NAZIS, TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS SQUEAKING SO LOUD BEFORE I FUCK YOUR SISTER SIDEWAYS" AND BELIEVE IT OR FUCKING NOT, THE FUCKING FAN BELT MELTED, AND I PUT A NEW ONE ON. AND NOT A SINGLE SQUEAK WAS HEARD THAT DAY.
ONWARD TO VICTORY, FUCKING EDUCATION. I START IN A WEEK OR TWO OR WHENEVER THE FUCK I WANT, AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY I AM BARELY EXCITED TO GO TO INTRODUCTION TO BUSINESS AND COMPUTER CONCEPTS I. ONCE ALL MY GEN EDS ARE TAKEN CARE OF LIKE THE DWARF SLAYER I AM, ILL BE MINECRAFTING AND MASTURBATING AND NOT GIVING A FUCK ABOUT RILEY.
SPEAKING OF THAT FUCKING IDIOT, HE SEEMS TO BE GETTING A FUCKING JOB. GODDAMMIT, FINALLY YOU LAZY SON OF A BITCH. GO TO YOUR JOB WORKING A MINIMUM WAGE LIQUOR STORE JOB, TALKING TO THE SCUM OF THE EARTH, ALL THE DUMB FUCKING ALCOHOL ADDICTS AND ALCOHOLICS. GOD I WISH YOU HAD THE BALLS TO KILL YOUR OWN DOG.
AND WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER FUCKING IDIOT, CONNOR? HES DICKING AROUND WITH HIS DICK IN HIS DICK AT GAME SCHOOL, LEARNING HOW TO MAKE SHITTY GAMES LIKE PORTAL 2: EPISODE ONE AND TEAM FORTRESS: BLUE SHIT. I BET HE'LL GET A JOB AT MOJANG OR VALVE, MAKING DLC HATS FOR TF2. FOR FUCKS SAKE CONNOR, MAKE MORE HATS.
AND IF THIS POST DIDNT SEEM ANGRY ENOUGH WITH THE CAPS, I DECIDED IM GOING TO VOTE FOR FUCKING RON PAUL, BECAUSE FUCK AMERICA, IT CANT GET ANY WORSE, RIGHT?
MAYBE AFTER POSTING THIS BULLSHIT, RILEY WILL GET HIS BITCH TITS OFF FUCKING STARCRAFT AND DECIDE TO ACTUALLY BE A PART OF THE INTERNET. GOD WHAT A FAG, FAGGING AROUND WITH A BUNCH OF FAGCRAFT FAGS. I BET HE LIKES PENISES.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Happy Belated Birthday, Jesus!
I mean Connor!
Switching gears, another short blog post! This time its written by the better of the two authors.
Work sucked today.
Its late and I am exhausted from fucking bitches and making money.
Switching gears, another short blog post! This time its written by the better of the two authors.
Work sucked today.
Its late and I am exhausted from fucking bitches and making money.
Will edit/add content laterz.
Friday, August 26, 2011
What day is today, it's Connor's birthday.
Because nobody reads this blog, I'm gonna go ahead and make a quick post to acknowledge that Connor Hollis is now of legal age to get butt-raped in FEDERAL PRISON. In all actuality it is Connor's birthday today, and because nobody is going to read this anyways, I feel safe in congratulating him in living so long. In this day and age, it's a hard fought battle to live to eighteen, and to mark this achievement for him, I am going to start the "Connor Hollis made it past our best expectations" scholarship fund, and deposit into it one dollar for every eighteenth birthday he makes it past. He is truly a triumph of the human spirit, and I do wish him a happy birthday, surrounded by close friends and family. I hope with my kind, kind words that maybe I can spread some joy to him, as he is so far from home while away at college, but I do honestly hope that he has a fantastic, (No homo) birthday, full of fun and adventure and as little butt-rape as possible. Happy birthday Connor! B4L! (Bro's 4(for) Life)
Friday, August 12, 2011
Time's going by so slowly, I think we might be dead.
So woah, I just remembered that this blog exists.. Sorry I haven't been posting so much lately everyone who reads it, but I've been moving! That accounts for the last week.. Uhh... Before that I was uhh... Dead.
Anyways onto actual content, I've been getting into political nonsense a whole lot lately, and I've been looking at the race for the presidency. Most of the time I like to consider myself moderate, but because we all assume that Obama is going to run for a second term, the Republicans have been the only people worth watching besides all the British. Anyways on my search through the internet I found possibly the most uplifting advertisement ever, and while I didn't know about this gentleman before, I certainly do now, and you will too. I present to you all, Herman Cain.
This is potentially the best music video I've ever heard in my entire life, and while I personally will not be voting for Mr. Cain, I have no problem giving him approximately eight potential votes, and if I hadn't already decided who I was voting for, I'd for sure vote for him, just because he made this video, which can only be described as a masterpiece, a gem, the best video of all time...
Another pseudo-update, that video project I mentioned earlier.. Well.. We started making videos and even posted on YouTube, but it just wound up being awful.. Just awful.. So I will not post that particular one here, but maybe when one comes out that I'm not ashamed of, I might decide to bite the bullet and show you all how shitty an actor I am.
Also Adam is coming home soon from Camp Perry, Ohio where he is competing in the NRA's National Rifle Championships! So good luck to him, I know you all hate him and his dead dog, but if you care at all, just check the NRA's website for his statistics and see that he is just the worst shooter you've ever seen, and should have his rifles all burned.. God what a failure that guy is.. I hope he dies.
So .. I hope this tides you all over for the next month or two because that's about how long it'll take for me to post another thing to the blog. Enjoy it.
Anyways onto actual content, I've been getting into political nonsense a whole lot lately, and I've been looking at the race for the presidency. Most of the time I like to consider myself moderate, but because we all assume that Obama is going to run for a second term, the Republicans have been the only people worth watching besides all the British. Anyways on my search through the internet I found possibly the most uplifting advertisement ever, and while I didn't know about this gentleman before, I certainly do now, and you will too. I present to you all, Herman Cain.
This is potentially the best music video I've ever heard in my entire life, and while I personally will not be voting for Mr. Cain, I have no problem giving him approximately eight potential votes, and if I hadn't already decided who I was voting for, I'd for sure vote for him, just because he made this video, which can only be described as a masterpiece, a gem, the best video of all time...
Another pseudo-update, that video project I mentioned earlier.. Well.. We started making videos and even posted on YouTube, but it just wound up being awful.. Just awful.. So I will not post that particular one here, but maybe when one comes out that I'm not ashamed of, I might decide to bite the bullet and show you all how shitty an actor I am.
Also Adam is coming home soon from Camp Perry, Ohio where he is competing in the NRA's National Rifle Championships! So good luck to him, I know you all hate him and his dead dog, but if you care at all, just check the NRA's website for his statistics and see that he is just the worst shooter you've ever seen, and should have his rifles all burned.. God what a failure that guy is.. I hope he dies.
So .. I hope this tides you all over for the next month or two because that's about how long it'll take for me to post another thing to the blog. Enjoy it.
Friday, July 15, 2011
It's a wha-who-wha-DOUBLE OFFER
Just a quick update that me and a few friends have been talking very seriously about putting up vidyas on the youtube for everyone's viewing pleasure. They'll likely be skits or something like that of the comedic variety, and they'll probably even feature me and a few other people acting in them! We haven't really decided yet on when or what we'll do, but hopefully this will prompt everyone to get on that right away, because I'm looking forward too it, that's for sure. I'll post links to the blog when/if they ever get up on the youtube.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Are you in space?
I started this blog thinking there would be significantly more content related to the internet, but alas, it is not so. I think the reasoning behind that is I am selfish and far too caught up telling people dumb anecdotes about my own life because everyone wants to hear that, right? Anyways! As my first internet related post, I thought I might say sorry that I've been such a huge dick.
Kerbal Space Program. Possibly the coolest little mod about rockets and space flight ever. I think you should all check it out, and share the experience that we all did of spending upwards of five whole minutes building a fabulous rocket that's just fuel, boosters and nothing else, before you get to set it up on the launch pad and watch it explode, killing the entire crew before it gets more then an inch off the ground, or does manage to make it a thousand meters, before your stabilizers suddenly fail for no real reason and your rocket spins wildly out of control before landing in the ocean.
http://www.kerbalspaceprogram.com/ - Check that out, hours of entertainment await.
Oh, thought I was done? Sorry, this one's gonna be a few sentences longer then the last few, because in addition to the internet and it's phenomena, I was eating breakfast this morning with my brother and we were watching an episode of "I survived" about some retard that went into bear country hiking with no form of bear deterrent, and the idea came to me that if a bear is about to rip my whole face off, I want two things. Bear mace and a gun, that way, after I've shot that giant grizzly, I can spray bear mace in it's wounds and shout "HOW DOES THAT FEEL FAGGOT?" And subsequently be mauled to death by it's giant twelve inch razor sharp talons, because as it turns out this bear is the product of bear/eagle procreation, and is now fifteen times more deadly.
This is an artists recreation of what this beast might look like, and you'll have to forgive the low quality, it spent almost nine-thousand hours in MS Paint to perfect this masterpiece. I present the bear/eagle, also known as the beagle.
Kerbal Space Program. Possibly the coolest little mod about rockets and space flight ever. I think you should all check it out, and share the experience that we all did of spending upwards of five whole minutes building a fabulous rocket that's just fuel, boosters and nothing else, before you get to set it up on the launch pad and watch it explode, killing the entire crew before it gets more then an inch off the ground, or does manage to make it a thousand meters, before your stabilizers suddenly fail for no real reason and your rocket spins wildly out of control before landing in the ocean.
http://www.kerbalspaceprogram.com/ - Check that out, hours of entertainment await.
Oh, thought I was done? Sorry, this one's gonna be a few sentences longer then the last few, because in addition to the internet and it's phenomena, I was eating breakfast this morning with my brother and we were watching an episode of "I survived" about some retard that went into bear country hiking with no form of bear deterrent, and the idea came to me that if a bear is about to rip my whole face off, I want two things. Bear mace and a gun, that way, after I've shot that giant grizzly, I can spray bear mace in it's wounds and shout "HOW DOES THAT FEEL FAGGOT?" And subsequently be mauled to death by it's giant twelve inch razor sharp talons, because as it turns out this bear is the product of bear/eagle procreation, and is now fifteen times more deadly.
This is an artists recreation of what this beast might look like, and you'll have to forgive the low quality, it spent almost nine-thousand hours in MS Paint to perfect this masterpiece. I present the bear/eagle, also known as the beagle.
Absolutely terrifying.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Coincidentally, Another Update!
As some of you (0/5) have read on our previous post, I had got my old job as a "Copy-Bitch" back. This is a fabrication, as I will not be handling a task such as that.
I will be an auction clerk, recording bids and listening to the auctioneer.
Yes, I actually understand that jibberish.
No, my dog didn't die of SIDS.
No, I'm not gay.
THIS IS SERIOUS BLOG.
Job applications! And an update! At last!
Hey all, sorry that I've not updated in quite some time, it's not that I don't love all five of my subscribers, it's just that I am incredibly lazy, and have been putting off an update for quite some time, slacking off and sleeping and partying, partying, yeah! Anyways! It's time for an update.
Job applications! Or more accurately job hunting. Lately I've been on the prowl for steady work, because working the street corners doesn't bring in enough cheddar, so I've had to resort to working legitimately, and applying at local businesses! You're probably wondering, man, how is he going to try and make this funny? I'm not.. I just wanted you to know that soon I'll have a job (hopefully), and will have even less time to devote to the blog! So expect even more time between updates, less content, no pictures, and probably woefully unfunny stories. Even less funny then the ones you get now...
In other news! Adam got his old job back! He's now a copy-bitch at his previous place of employment, which I'll avoid naming on the internet, but that'll probably die as fast as his dog did. Nepotism struck before, and it will likely strike again, and his dreams will be crushed, but his tears will nurture our young, and the circle of life will continue.
Luckily however we all will soon have steady employment, and then we'll all be able complain and complain about how tough life is for us middle-upper class white adolescents, and how the 'man' is keeping us down. We'll probably resort to reading some Ayn Rand, smoking lots of 'marijuana' as the kids call it these days, and talking about how we need to build some sort of utopia where people offer goods in services in exchange for other.. Goods and services.
Regardless! We are excited to be joining the work force, rejoining the work force, or laughing at the peons joining or rejoining the work-force we're already part of. Man, contributing to society is the coolest! And if you don't do that, then you must not be very cool.
Job applications! Or more accurately job hunting. Lately I've been on the prowl for steady work, because working the street corners doesn't bring in enough cheddar, so I've had to resort to working legitimately, and applying at local businesses! You're probably wondering, man, how is he going to try and make this funny? I'm not.. I just wanted you to know that soon I'll have a job (hopefully), and will have even less time to devote to the blog! So expect even more time between updates, less content, no pictures, and probably woefully unfunny stories. Even less funny then the ones you get now...
In other news! Adam got his old job back! He's now a copy-bitch at his previous place of employment, which I'll avoid naming on the internet, but that'll probably die as fast as his dog did. Nepotism struck before, and it will likely strike again, and his dreams will be crushed, but his tears will nurture our young, and the circle of life will continue.
Luckily however we all will soon have steady employment, and then we'll all be able complain and complain about how tough life is for us middle-upper class white adolescents, and how the 'man' is keeping us down. We'll probably resort to reading some Ayn Rand, smoking lots of 'marijuana' as the kids call it these days, and talking about how we need to build some sort of utopia where people offer goods in services in exchange for other.. Goods and services.
Regardless! We are excited to be joining the work force, rejoining the work force, or laughing at the peons joining or rejoining the work-force we're already part of. Man, contributing to society is the coolest! And if you don't do that, then you must not be very cool.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Graduation, parties, and other exciting things!
Hey! We finally made it through to the light at the end of the tunnel. As of 10:00 PM this last Monday, me and all of my friends are officially graduated from high school. We were so excited to finally be able to get out of that school and forge our own paths into the world. So motivated by all of the motivational speeches given (Save for the ones given in an absolute monotone) that we felt that we could conquer the world! Until we got this.
Sorry in advance for that picture on the left being rotated, but apparently blog spot likes everything to be nice and uniform when you put it on your blog, which is utter nonsense! I want my blog to look like a giant pile of shit so that way it mirrors what I have to write!
Anyways, what kind of tease is that? They gave us our diploma covers without diplomas in them. I shook all the people's hands on stage, hugged my counselors and went back to my seat, antsy to see my brand new diploma, and my dreams were crushed, like so many business cards in the hands of Asian men. Needless to say I had to ask after graduation, "where is my diploma you bastards? If you so much as hurt a hair on it's head I swear I'll-", but they assured us that we could pick them up, if we dared to enter the school that we've loathed for so many many years. Now I actually have my diploma, and I plan on carrying it around with me wherever I go, maybe handcuffed to my wrist like a big briefcase full of Nazi gold or conflict diamonds (and it's obviously more important then either of those things.) And that was graduation! I'm sure there's a video of it floating around on the internet, and I'll be sure to post it here because nobody reading cares, they were either at it, or don't know what the hell I'm talking about, so I can tell from the pixels that they would like to see.
Parties! Parties galore, it's only been two days since graduation and I've already missed two parties so that I could sit alone in my room, brooding, planning.. Apparently there are many more, and there will be alcoholic beverages served at them. I'm not sure how to feel about that because me and my friends are 'STR41GH7 3DG3 FOR L13F', if you speak leet-speak, or in the words of our peers at school 'Fucking losers.' So that'll be good! Right? Right! There will be one this coming Saturday, you can bet your sweet britches there'll be a blog post about it! with accompanying pictures if I can get this damn posting tool to post them properly, without rotations and with all the nudity, vulgarity and everything that you've come to know and love about this terrible excuse for a blog.
In regards to other exciting things.. Uhhh.. We all got presents for graduation! I got a watch, a nice dinner, and lots of pats on that back from my father who now is holding a new record with 1/2 of his children graduating from a high school that is not part of the Oregon Department of Corrections.
Sorry in advance for that picture on the left being rotated, but apparently blog spot likes everything to be nice and uniform when you put it on your blog, which is utter nonsense! I want my blog to look like a giant pile of shit so that way it mirrors what I have to write!
Anyways, what kind of tease is that? They gave us our diploma covers without diplomas in them. I shook all the people's hands on stage, hugged my counselors and went back to my seat, antsy to see my brand new diploma, and my dreams were crushed, like so many business cards in the hands of Asian men. Needless to say I had to ask after graduation, "where is my diploma you bastards? If you so much as hurt a hair on it's head I swear I'll-", but they assured us that we could pick them up, if we dared to enter the school that we've loathed for so many many years. Now I actually have my diploma, and I plan on carrying it around with me wherever I go, maybe handcuffed to my wrist like a big briefcase full of Nazi gold or conflict diamonds (and it's obviously more important then either of those things.) And that was graduation! I'm sure there's a video of it floating around on the internet, and I'll be sure to post it here because nobody reading cares, they were either at it, or don't know what the hell I'm talking about, so I can tell from the pixels that they would like to see.
Parties! Parties galore, it's only been two days since graduation and I've already missed two parties so that I could sit alone in my room, brooding, planning.. Apparently there are many more, and there will be alcoholic beverages served at them. I'm not sure how to feel about that because me and my friends are 'STR41GH7 3DG3 FOR L13F', if you speak leet-speak, or in the words of our peers at school 'Fucking losers.' So that'll be good! Right? Right! There will be one this coming Saturday, you can bet your sweet britches there'll be a blog post about it! with accompanying pictures if I can get this damn posting tool to post them properly, without rotations and with all the nudity, vulgarity and everything that you've come to know and love about this terrible excuse for a blog.
In regards to other exciting things.. Uhhh.. We all got presents for graduation! I got a watch, a nice dinner, and lots of pats on that back from my father who now is holding a new record with 1/2 of his children graduating from a high school that is not part of the Oregon Department of Corrections.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Sinking the 8 ball
Recently, I believe the blog has fallen into some sort of lull. Either that or I check for a new post several times a day, making it seem like its been 17 days since the last post. In my attempts to circumvent this, I will be making more regular updates.
As for my partner in crime, Riley, well, nobody really knows;
Since our last day of high school, Riley has seemed like a stranger, as well as Connor, who will be departing for college rather quick like. The difference between the two being that Connor is at work, and logs into Skype, where as Riley has a dlido in his ass while playing WoW or SC2, not bothering to appreciate his friends. But that's a completely different post.
All joking aside, this summer is going to be rather lazy. Finding a job is imperative to my continuing education, and with the isolation of friends between work and dungeon crawling, it will seem to be quite uneventful. Currently, the only REAL thing I have to look forward to is graduation, where I, for the last time, will see my dearest friends assembled as one unit.
If I could use a meme to describe the feelings I have conjured towards the aforementioned events, it would probably be all of them. Rage face, me gusta, okay.jpg, almost every meme could be used to relate to one part or another of my life.
Except for dog fort.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Testing Our Might
So yesterday was the official last day of high school for me and several hundred others, and I must admit, I'm more excited to graduate now then a month ago when I was considering simply skipping the graduation ceremony only to have the school mail me my diploma. Now that school is done however and the actual graduation day is only a little more then a week away, I am buzzing with energy, nervousness, worry, all of the strange concerns that run through my mind on a daily basis are now secondary to something that really is no big deal.
Anyways after school yesterday me and my good friend Connor went over to another good friend's house, had an absolutely mediocre ping-pong championship, failed miserably at trying to coordinate times to when we might go get food, and when we might have to go pick people up, and played the new Mortal Kombat game. For seven straight hours. Imagine my surprise when a game I thought was only really good for watching people tear one another in half, turns out to be just a game that's really only good for watching people tear each other into more then one half. Me and Connor were mesmerized by the display, having never played the game before, and eventually racked up beating the entire storyline save for the last boss, unlocking every single fatality and costume, and finding out that time really does fly when you're screaming obscenities at a large television. I found the night rather reminiscent of a session of games with our other good friend Adam, who's posts you've seen previously, and have been absolutely devoid of swearing, or insanity. Either way, back on topic, every other word out of our mouths was an angry curse at the AI for blocking a special attack, or hitting us in the groin over and over until blood was shooting out of our eye-balls. Eventually it got so bad that Connor had to give up the controller for fear of sending it sailing through the TV, and this started the spiraling decline of my sanity as I fell into the same trap he had, and soon I was nothing more then a heaving mass of flesh on a lazy-boy, shouting about how the god damn Scorpion kept shooting his god damn chain into my god damn throat, or roaring with anger as that cursed Shiva demon ripped my arms off and beat me to death with them, that fat bitch.
Despite our anger at video-games, last night was a fun night, and while I feel a little sick after so much Mountain Dew in one sitting, I feel like it was a success. Now I just need to prepare for all of the upcoming graduation parties I'll be forced to endure, and after last night, my body is ready.
I'll be gone for some of the week but when I get back, get ready for blog post part trois. I advise you begin preparing in advance.
PS, I feel as though the intellectual quality of the blog is deteriorating over time (not that it was ever really that smart in the first place), and that at first it was funny and witty, and now it's just silly, does anyone else feel the same?
Anyways after school yesterday me and my good friend Connor went over to another good friend's house, had an absolutely mediocre ping-pong championship, failed miserably at trying to coordinate times to when we might go get food, and when we might have to go pick people up, and played the new Mortal Kombat game. For seven straight hours. Imagine my surprise when a game I thought was only really good for watching people tear one another in half, turns out to be just a game that's really only good for watching people tear each other into more then one half. Me and Connor were mesmerized by the display, having never played the game before, and eventually racked up beating the entire storyline save for the last boss, unlocking every single fatality and costume, and finding out that time really does fly when you're screaming obscenities at a large television. I found the night rather reminiscent of a session of games with our other good friend Adam, who's posts you've seen previously, and have been absolutely devoid of swearing, or insanity. Either way, back on topic, every other word out of our mouths was an angry curse at the AI for blocking a special attack, or hitting us in the groin over and over until blood was shooting out of our eye-balls. Eventually it got so bad that Connor had to give up the controller for fear of sending it sailing through the TV, and this started the spiraling decline of my sanity as I fell into the same trap he had, and soon I was nothing more then a heaving mass of flesh on a lazy-boy, shouting about how the god damn Scorpion kept shooting his god damn chain into my god damn throat, or roaring with anger as that cursed Shiva demon ripped my arms off and beat me to death with them, that fat bitch.
Despite our anger at video-games, last night was a fun night, and while I feel a little sick after so much Mountain Dew in one sitting, I feel like it was a success. Now I just need to prepare for all of the upcoming graduation parties I'll be forced to endure, and after last night, my body is ready.
I'll be gone for some of the week but when I get back, get ready for blog post part trois. I advise you begin preparing in advance.
PS, I feel as though the intellectual quality of the blog is deteriorating over time (not that it was ever really that smart in the first place), and that at first it was funny and witty, and now it's just silly, does anyone else feel the same?
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Blog Post! Part Duex Duex
There was a post written earlier this week regarding my sanity/blog posting abilities. As you all may be aware, this was an outright fabrication. Everyone who has ever read a single line of this blog knows that I was the first follower, and major contributor to blog content. While this is my first post, I have contributed to previous posts.
NOW, this post is titled "part duex duex" because of the extreme rage that I am displaying in a passive form. Now Riley can shut his shit-licking lips and enjoy some REAL OC.
Also, before Riley makes another fabrication, I am a rage gamer. Rounds of BF:BC2 are constant streams of obscenity, as well as Ultra Meat Man, Age of Mythology, and MS Paint. AOM was promptly uninstalled after I was defeated by AI, on easy, with a 100% handicap. BF:BC2 matches come to an early end after my KDR sinks below 1. That Swedish officer training thing is a giant frustration. If you are not a rage fag, then FUCK YOU. I'M UNINSTALLING MY WEB BROWSER YOU SHIT DICKS.
I HATE EVERYONE. NAMELY RILEY.
NOW, this post is titled "part duex duex" because of the extreme rage that I am displaying in a passive form. Now Riley can shut his shit-licking lips and enjoy some REAL OC.
Also, before Riley makes another fabrication, I am a rage gamer. Rounds of BF:BC2 are constant streams of obscenity, as well as Ultra Meat Man, Age of Mythology, and MS Paint. AOM was promptly uninstalled after I was defeated by AI, on easy, with a 100% handicap. BF:BC2 matches come to an early end after my KDR sinks below 1. That Swedish officer training thing is a giant frustration. If you are not a rage fag, then FUCK YOU. I'M UNINSTALLING MY WEB BROWSER YOU SHIT DICKS.
I HATE EVERYONE. NAMELY RILEY.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Blog Post! Part Duex
I wrote a post earlier that I wasn't happy with so I asked for some criticism from my friend Derek, who responded with "Maybe you should make it not suck so many balls." So here you are, a post that sucks slightly fewer balls then before, but still far too many.
It's memorial day everybody! I hope you've been memorial-ing it up, partying at your relatives graves, or maybe remembering the times they stole from you, and how bad they were as relatives. I was invited to go and assist in placing flowers on the graves of my dead relatives, unfortunately however I have a strange aversion to going to graveyards, not because I don't like paying respects to my relatives, but mostly because there are dead rotting corpses down there, and I don't want any part of that nonsense, a feeling I might add, that I share with my father. I hope, and am somewhat sure that this will pass with time, and when I am grown into a full fledged man, I will go out, like a man, and plant those Rhododendron's all over the resting place of my relatives, friends, and with luck, enemies...
I hope you all had a more memorable memorialization day then myself, me and my father spent it watching John Wayne movies, which I am not complaining about, nor am I disappointed in, but I'm more of a Clint Eastwood fan, mostly because I enjoy watching actors that are not from Iowa, but that's a story for another post.
Another issue that has been plaguing me is my constantly red left eye. I am not a drug user, but I can not tell you how many times I've heard different variations of "Hey are you high?" because I accidentally dropped some soap directly into my eye. If you're guilty of this, here's a quick "Fuck you, I hope you get some obscure disease so it's not all bad, at least now you can be a hipster."
On a completely unrelated note, on request from the same friend that told me that my post "Sucked Balls", I am including the following paragraph in this post:
While writing this I'm currently in a Skype call with some folks, half paying attention, half writing, and something that has come up over and over and over is some sort of Morrowind class called "The Skeletor." and the character that was created around the class named "Butt-Sex" with the description "3==D". The surprising thing about this story is less that my friends are all retarded, but more so that I'm often considered the least mature of all of us. They'll all likely take this as a direct attack on their character, and they'd be right! I love my friends, they're all amazing, even Adam despite the fact that his parent's don't love him, and his dog is dead, but that's his own fault, he deserves it for never once contributing to the blog.
If you've got requests for posts on the blog, please, feel free to comment in the comment box and I'll steal your ideas if their good, and if they don't get posted, obviously your idea was a giant pile of phallic objects, and next time you ought to just keep it too yourself.
My high school graduation is coming up, so I likely won't post anything until after I'm all finished up with school this Friday, but trust me when I'm all done and able to go out into the real world, I will be sure to post wonderfully hilarious posts that you'll all enjoy, I promise. Until then, I love you all, except for Adam. (Who never contributes to the blog.)
It's memorial day everybody! I hope you've been memorial-ing it up, partying at your relatives graves, or maybe remembering the times they stole from you, and how bad they were as relatives. I was invited to go and assist in placing flowers on the graves of my dead relatives, unfortunately however I have a strange aversion to going to graveyards, not because I don't like paying respects to my relatives, but mostly because there are dead rotting corpses down there, and I don't want any part of that nonsense, a feeling I might add, that I share with my father. I hope, and am somewhat sure that this will pass with time, and when I am grown into a full fledged man, I will go out, like a man, and plant those Rhododendron's all over the resting place of my relatives, friends, and with luck, enemies...
I hope you all had a more memorable memorialization day then myself, me and my father spent it watching John Wayne movies, which I am not complaining about, nor am I disappointed in, but I'm more of a Clint Eastwood fan, mostly because I enjoy watching actors that are not from Iowa, but that's a story for another post.
Another issue that has been plaguing me is my constantly red left eye. I am not a drug user, but I can not tell you how many times I've heard different variations of "Hey are you high?" because I accidentally dropped some soap directly into my eye. If you're guilty of this, here's a quick "Fuck you, I hope you get some obscure disease so it's not all bad, at least now you can be a hipster."
On a completely unrelated note, on request from the same friend that told me that my post "Sucked Balls", I am including the following paragraph in this post:
While writing this I'm currently in a Skype call with some folks, half paying attention, half writing, and something that has come up over and over and over is some sort of Morrowind class called "The Skeletor." and the character that was created around the class named "Butt-Sex" with the description "3==D". The surprising thing about this story is less that my friends are all retarded, but more so that I'm often considered the least mature of all of us. They'll all likely take this as a direct attack on their character, and they'd be right! I love my friends, they're all amazing, even Adam despite the fact that his parent's don't love him, and his dog is dead, but that's his own fault, he deserves it for never once contributing to the blog.
If you've got requests for posts on the blog, please, feel free to comment in the comment box and I'll steal your ideas if their good, and if they don't get posted, obviously your idea was a giant pile of phallic objects, and next time you ought to just keep it too yourself.
My high school graduation is coming up, so I likely won't post anything until after I'm all finished up with school this Friday, but trust me when I'm all done and able to go out into the real world, I will be sure to post wonderfully hilarious posts that you'll all enjoy, I promise. Until then, I love you all, except for Adam. (Who never contributes to the blog.)
Friday, May 27, 2011
Blog post!
I'm going to start a series of posts, referred too hereafter as "Blog Posts". They will be posts to the blog, following the same trend as the previous posts have, and that is, content about nothing. Last night a friend of mine read this blog for the first time and laughed, then commented on 'a lack of content'. I thought that was rather unfair considering how long I've had the thing for, but then he explained that while there were posts, and the posts had text in them, the content of the posts followed no discernible trend. I thought this was an interesting post and am now going to continue posting about nothing in particular, and likely annoying everybody by having a blog about a bunch of nonsense nobody cares about.
In other news.. I got a new hat in the mail today! It was shipped rather fast considering the fact that it was only four dollars from Amazon, but now I have what has been referred too as "The same hat that you would see in the artists renditioning of gas station robbers, murderers and those fat people that flash people in the mall parking lot." I might even include a picture! And here it is, hard as it was to upload for me, also.. Ignore that thing in the background with the flowery spelling of my name, if anyone needs to know it's something from fourth grade, sorry that it made it into the picture, but of all of them, I hated this one the least.
I hope you all enjoy it, I likely will not sleep tonight knowing that it's up on the internet, also, as a good friend of mine pointed out, nice headset asshole. Anyways! I'm excited, more so then I ought to be. Even more excited about this article of clothing then I was when I was six and trying to escape the company of my mother so I could go hide in the roundabout shirt racks and scare other shoppers by pretending to be some sort of horrible mythic clothes demon, swatting at their hands as they grabbed shirts or pants or coats or whatever they were trying to buy as if I had eighteen inch razer sharp talons jutting out of my fingertips, X-men style bitch.
Anyways! This is the face of the blog, this is me and I hope you all enjoy staring into those eyes, deep and penetrative, staring into your very soul and sapping all of the strength from within... Or fap too it, whatever you prefer.
In other news.. I got a new hat in the mail today! It was shipped rather fast considering the fact that it was only four dollars from Amazon, but now I have what has been referred too as "The same hat that you would see in the artists renditioning of gas station robbers, murderers and those fat people that flash people in the mall parking lot." I might even include a picture! And here it is, hard as it was to upload for me, also.. Ignore that thing in the background with the flowery spelling of my name, if anyone needs to know it's something from fourth grade, sorry that it made it into the picture, but of all of them, I hated this one the least.
I hope you all enjoy it, I likely will not sleep tonight knowing that it's up on the internet, also, as a good friend of mine pointed out, nice headset asshole. Anyways! I'm excited, more so then I ought to be. Even more excited about this article of clothing then I was when I was six and trying to escape the company of my mother so I could go hide in the roundabout shirt racks and scare other shoppers by pretending to be some sort of horrible mythic clothes demon, swatting at their hands as they grabbed shirts or pants or coats or whatever they were trying to buy as if I had eighteen inch razer sharp talons jutting out of my fingertips, X-men style bitch.
Anyways! This is the face of the blog, this is me and I hope you all enjoy staring into those eyes, deep and penetrative, staring into your very soul and sapping all of the strength from within... Or fap too it, whatever you prefer.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
A constant fear
After having this blog up for just a few days, coming here every day for whatever reason scares the living daylights out of me. I believe it's because I'll come on here and see some new comment from someone shouting about how terrible my writing is, or how absolutely ridiculously overplayed something as simple as a trip to McDonald's could be. I worry about a lot of things over the course of my day, and now every day I get on my computer I feel compelled to go onto what I'm sure will be something swept up overnight like Rebecca Black, or that gentlemen with the remote control enema, and the comment boxes will be absolutely full of people screaming about how terrible a person I am. I know people say that there's no such thing as bad publicity, and I know my worries are wishful at best, and incredibly self-centered and neurotic at worst, but I think maybe posting this will ease my concern. Anyways I noticed while looking at the stats today that a lot of people (probably me looking at statistics of myself reading my own blog) from the US are reading this stuff, but even more surprising are the number of hits from both Canada, and Germany. While I'm not making this post to promote the blog, nor is it to try and force you into promoting it, I am curious to figure out how people chanced upon this thing. I understand how ridiculous this must seem considering the fact that I am posting this on the internet publicly for anyone and everyone to see, and am now asking how you found my private journal, and why are you in my god-damned computer you pinko commie fucks?
Anyways I guess what I am asking is if anyone happens to read through this post (doubtful), please leave a comment, insulting if you like, or something as simple as "I'm not a robot, stop worrying that robots are reading your blog." so I know it's not just some strange fetishist stalker, masturbating and breathing heavily while reading my writing and envisioning all of his strange deluded fantasies of finding my car wrecked along the highway, dragging me to their house and forcing me to stay and write more blog posts whilst keeping me ill, before turning out my ankles and forcing me to beat Kathy Bates to death with a small pig statue.
And lastly, I would just like to say that I really do love the internet, and everything about it, the good and the bad. Never before in my life would I have published anything substantial, but this website is encouraging me to get my thoughts out there for people, hopefully, to laugh at, or to at least find slightly entertaining. I love you internet, every portion of you, from image boards to forums, from pointless flash games to Japanese chicks with dicks, every single facet of the internet wholly embodies what the world should be like; A place to share ideas without fear of any real reprisal, be they good, bad, saint-like or diabolical, I am incredibly happy that I live in an age where things like the internet exist, and are making everybody, talented or not into their own little Michaelangelo.
Anyways I guess what I am asking is if anyone happens to read through this post (doubtful), please leave a comment, insulting if you like, or something as simple as "I'm not a robot, stop worrying that robots are reading your blog." so I know it's not just some strange fetishist stalker, masturbating and breathing heavily while reading my writing and envisioning all of his strange deluded fantasies of finding my car wrecked along the highway, dragging me to their house and forcing me to stay and write more blog posts whilst keeping me ill, before turning out my ankles and forcing me to beat Kathy Bates to death with a small pig statue.
And lastly, I would just like to say that I really do love the internet, and everything about it, the good and the bad. Never before in my life would I have published anything substantial, but this website is encouraging me to get my thoughts out there for people, hopefully, to laugh at, or to at least find slightly entertaining. I love you internet, every portion of you, from image boards to forums, from pointless flash games to Japanese chicks with dicks, every single facet of the internet wholly embodies what the world should be like; A place to share ideas without fear of any real reprisal, be they good, bad, saint-like or diabolical, I am incredibly happy that I live in an age where things like the internet exist, and are making everybody, talented or not into their own little Michaelangelo.
Monday, May 23, 2011
A red letter day
Today something happened that has never happened before in the history of all mankind... Connor Hollis drove his motor vehicle, through the local McDonald's drive-through. This may not seem so significant to the lot of you, but to us, his superb driving ability was displayed when he pulled up to the drive through, a good fifteen feet away from the window, with no money ready, and still arguing over what he'd ordered with us. Not only were we unprepared for the purchase, but also, as I find is a pet peeve of many a drive through worker, we were listening to "Dead-Mau-Five" at a disturbingly loud volume. After awkwardly fumbling around for my wallet I proceeded to pay for all of our meals, and was only offered the remaining change in back payment. We parked in a nearby parking spot and put on the band "Sex Bob-Omb", apparently a reference to old Super Mario games, and a band also referred too as "Manchester Orchestra", a reference to I don't know what, as far as I could tell they were sad about how trendy they are.. Either way this was a first for our good friend Connor, and we were glad to have experienced "popping his drive through cherry" with him. He seemed a little too excited to have two men with him for that experience, but as, what I like to think of us as, his best friends, we were happy to ditch important classes, tests and such, to go to McDonald's with him and lose a few of the happiest years of our lives to high cholesterol, sodium, and the other poisons found inside of their crispy chicken sandwiches.
Friday, May 20, 2011
I'm an aduuuuult
So yesterday was my eighteenth birthday, and wow.. There was quite the party for my mother, and brother's friends to come over and enjoy! Not that I'm complaining because some of my friends chose not to come over on their own merit, not that I'll name any names, Connor, but I felt a little alone with a big crowd of people I didn't really know that well. Though there were few people that I did know, it was still a fun celebration and I am thankful for everything that everyone that came did for me.
On the flip-side of all of this, never before have I encountered more drunk people shouting about how I'm now 'legal' and I need to join them at the titty bars for what my brother referred too several times, and so tactfully as "a pap-smear on my face." I'm not really sure how to feel about that situation, other then the fact that I get free strippers sooner or later, which is okay I suppose, but my brother and his friends are not the people I would like to go anywhere with, ever. They're the kind of people that get a friend really drunk then leave him at the bar to stumble around and make a fool of himself in front of everyone until closing time when he must shamefully stagger home. Either way I'm not looking too forward to going to an establishment referred too as Jiggles, though I'm not sure that's the real name, for fear of having an erection in front of strangers, and having to wash crabs out of my eyebrows, not that the two are related, or synonymous.. At least I hope.
Anyways I have some cool pictures I might slap up on here in a separate post, and there's even one of me holding a knife as menacingly as possible, though menacing for me, looks a little silly.. But it doesn't matter anymore! Because I'm now street legal, and I have rights! Time to go buy cigarettes, porn, guns and whatever else you can buy when you're eighteen!
On the flip-side of all of this, never before have I encountered more drunk people shouting about how I'm now 'legal' and I need to join them at the titty bars for what my brother referred too several times, and so tactfully as "a pap-smear on my face." I'm not really sure how to feel about that situation, other then the fact that I get free strippers sooner or later, which is okay I suppose, but my brother and his friends are not the people I would like to go anywhere with, ever. They're the kind of people that get a friend really drunk then leave him at the bar to stumble around and make a fool of himself in front of everyone until closing time when he must shamefully stagger home. Either way I'm not looking too forward to going to an establishment referred too as Jiggles, though I'm not sure that's the real name, for fear of having an erection in front of strangers, and having to wash crabs out of my eyebrows, not that the two are related, or synonymous.. At least I hope.
Anyways I have some cool pictures I might slap up on here in a separate post, and there's even one of me holding a knife as menacingly as possible, though menacing for me, looks a little silly.. But it doesn't matter anymore! Because I'm now street legal, and I have rights! Time to go buy cigarettes, porn, guns and whatever else you can buy when you're eighteen!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The beginning of the end
I guess I'll start this off with what I imagine this blog will likely be full of, namely, random stories, snippets of information and maybe even a few videos or things of that nature.
I suppose the best way to begin this blog is to explain it. To start, the title comes from a situation in which me and a few friends were discussing different proposals for a game that was never going to be made at any point in time. The articulate young gentleman that I am decided that I would voice the opinion that maybe we should base it in the latter years of world war two! Unfortunately, in my nervous, awkward attempt to get out what I thought might be a good idea, I put on my best, deepest imitation of Michael Buffer, and announced quite dramatically that "The Year Was World War Two!" Thereafter followed several very long moments of silence until everyone burst into uncontrollable laughter, and I skulked off to my corner to silently berate myself for my own stupidity, however, it spawned within our group a sort of new meme that grew and grew until I couldn't stop hearing the year was world war two from anyone I knew, save for my immediate family. Anyways this morning when I was thinking about creating this blog, that was the name I decided upon, and here the blog is now. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it, and hey, maybe if I'm really lucky I'll start to get subscribers, or maybe even some followers or something.. Who knows what the future holds for us my friends! Adventure! Stardom! A veritable clash of the titans!
I suppose the best way to begin this blog is to explain it. To start, the title comes from a situation in which me and a few friends were discussing different proposals for a game that was never going to be made at any point in time. The articulate young gentleman that I am decided that I would voice the opinion that maybe we should base it in the latter years of world war two! Unfortunately, in my nervous, awkward attempt to get out what I thought might be a good idea, I put on my best, deepest imitation of Michael Buffer, and announced quite dramatically that "The Year Was World War Two!" Thereafter followed several very long moments of silence until everyone burst into uncontrollable laughter, and I skulked off to my corner to silently berate myself for my own stupidity, however, it spawned within our group a sort of new meme that grew and grew until I couldn't stop hearing the year was world war two from anyone I knew, save for my immediate family. Anyways this morning when I was thinking about creating this blog, that was the name I decided upon, and here the blog is now. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it, and hey, maybe if I'm really lucky I'll start to get subscribers, or maybe even some followers or something.. Who knows what the future holds for us my friends! Adventure! Stardom! A veritable clash of the titans!
Just a quick heads up
For anyone reading this for the first time who maybe doesn't know, this is just going to be a random blog about really nothing in particular, with the overarching purpose being me and my friends journey through the internet, it's culture, and everything that we do as far as our 'wacky' antics go. I think that the following is a good indication of how things are going to go, as soon as I clicked on the title bar, the following drop down menu appeared
Now I don't have herpes, nor would I advertise it if I did, but I also don't have my own private computer. It's looking like things are already off to a great start.
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